Due to the current financial
situation caused by the slowdown in the
economy, Congress has decided to
implement a scheme to put
workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement,
thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be
considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as
many times as Congress deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional
Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES
(Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be
SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive
as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of
SHIT they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please
bring this to the attention of your Congressman,
who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
PS – – Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of
electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market
conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.